The Chinese treadmill of Death

Look closely at this console. This may look like an ordinary treadmill console, bar the Chinese characters, but make no mistake. This is a death machine.

It started innocently enough. A colleague invited me to use the small gym in his apartment complex. I put on my running gear, charged my iPod, and got ready to exercise. Little did I know what was waiting for me. 

The treadmill, henceforth known as The Chinese treadmill of Death, looked straightforward. I selected the random programme at level 1. I then imputed a speed of 8.2 kms / 5 miles per hour. A nice starting speed. The random setting, at level 1, was meant to generate the feeling of running up and down hills while decreasing and increasing speeds. It wasn't long before it was apparent something was amiss. It was jerky. The belt would speed up, slow down and then almost wobble a bit from side to side. Determined to get a workout, I tried to navigate the minor hiccups and continue on. However, it wasn't long before it took a sinister turn. 

All of a sudden, the treadmill jumps from 8.4 kms to 14kms!! That is 8.7 miles per hour. Now, I don't know about you but that's a pretty significant jump. I found myself sprinting and then needing to hit the emergency stop. 

Ever generous, even with technology, I feel there must have been some mistake. 'Perhaps, I hit something?' I reset the machine, and begin trotting along again. Quickly, the wobble starts and then it jumps into INSANE setting again. This time it shoots up to 16.4 km and the treadmill elevation rises to 4.5. To clarify, that's 10 miles per hour with an elevation of 4.5 out of 10. Who the hell considers that level 1? The Chinese?! No, I am afraid not even them. 

So I hit the Emergency stop once more, and just to teach it a lesson - and a little out of fearing for my life - I unplug it at the wall. 'No more potential death for you today, my friend!'